~Iliamna's Quest~

Relationships


Oh hell .. why am I giving my thoughts on relationships?

I'm single. Being single has its benefits at time. No one can complain if I don't clean house .. if I play the drums in the middle of the night .. if the dogs want to sleep on the bed. Meals are not at regular times, I don't have to schedule my life around anyone else, and no one tries to tell me I'm crazy when I spend $150 on entry fees for a dog agility trial.

But it gets lonely. There are times, in the middle of a dark Alaskan winter night, when I ache for interaction of any sort with a partner. To hear a kind voice, to feel the secure tightness of arms around me .. to smell the warm scent of male skin .. these are all things that I crave at times.

Relationships are tough. They require work from both sides, compromise and understanding. I see so many people unable to accept anything but their own way of doing things, and relationships are destined to fail when a person is that set in their ways. And a relationship will only work if both sides are willing to work through problems.

I watch people falling in and out of "love" online and it both amuses me and saddens me. If you meet someone and in a short time (days or even weeks) they are saying "I love you forever!!" or talking of being "soulmates" - then you pretty much know they are easily infatuated. Infatuation does not equal love. I know of people online who have been "in love" several times in a period of a few months. This is LUDICROUS. A person like this can neither be believed or trusted. They are either incredibly confused, extremely needy, or just into using people's hearts for their own selfish desires.

You can't always see these people coming. Sometimes you are in a needy place yourself, and fall quickly for the sweet lies and often misleading pictures of a (supposedly) pretty face. If you allow yourself to fall for this, you have to also take partial responsibility. Going into any relationship (online or r/t) requires open eyes and a modicum of caution. Believing someone without reservation often gets you walked on. And if you KNOW this person has bounced from relationship to relationship - then RUN, don't walk, as far away from them as you can!

Man, I can be bitchy about this topic. People can be so foolish. I've been there.

Oh - and if a person can't be open with you - if they can't give you their full name, or phone number, or where they work, etc. even though you're into a "loving" relationship ... then there's something seriously wrong. Love means trust. If they're not giving you information, then they have something to hide.

While I'm on this topic - I believe that a current relationship should be ended before a person delves into a new one. There needs to be closure. If there isn't - there's too much possibility of a person moving between relationships, which is so painful for the innocent people involved.

Playing with people's hearts is just wrong.

What I need in a relationship ..

We each have the qualities we require in a partner. For me, I need a man who is intelligent, witty, with a good sense of humor and yet a sensitivity towards other people's feelings. I prefer someone with at least a moderate amount of romanticism .. the occasional dinner with candlelight, the unexpected card, the flowers for no particular reason - these are important to me both in the receiving and in the giving. I am very giving.

He needs to like animals - because my dogs will always be a part of my life. He needs to understand that cleaning house is not as important to me as working dogs or fishing. Someone who is anal-retentive, pompous, or has a closed mind would never fit with me. I need someone who doesn't smoke and only drinks occasionally - a strong man, not someone weak. AND I need someone who knows that Alaska is important to me, and that I have family here that I need to be around (especially my Mom, who is nearly 80).

Finding these qualities is very hard, given the lack of men in my geographical location .. ~L~. I have so many areas I'm willing to compromise in. Looks are not that important to me. While I would prefer someone who understands and finds some importance in being healthy - because that would help ME - I don't expect or want a Greek God. I'm not particular as to hair, color of eyes, beard or no beard .. these are all superficial things and do not make the man.

I am not overly concerned with political or religious beliefs, although someone with really strong beliefs might be argumentative with me and that's not necessarily a good thing. I don't need someone who dresses in suits - wearing jeans is GREAT. If they like to fish and hunt, that's great too. It means Alaska will suit them. I also don't look for riches in a man - money does not equal quality of spirit. I prefer that he be financially stable, but I don't need someone to pay my way.

I also need someone who understands that I can be "wordy" .. ~LOL~ ... BUT .. I am also an excellent listener and I believe in trying to make even awkward situations as good as I can.

Applications for this relationship will be available soon .. ~G~


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